Health: It's So Important

I did better today.

One coffee, one coke, one glass of wine, a large bowl of soup. Some water.

I hate to admit that the above constitutes "better", but it does.

At present my constitution is weak. I keep hurting myself, trying to become stronger. As if the universe doth conspire. Yet it doesn't. It's honestly just me. What I've done to myself.

Granted, I went through all that medical drama. It's not insignificant. Laying inert for so long, a body can forget its better days. But I've wanted those better days, and badly. Not the perfect form --- no. Just health. Wellness.

Last summer I was doing a lot of spiritual work. The more work I did, the more refined my diet became. Not in a dysfunctional way. In a ... spiritual way.

I began to become intolerant of wine. Hard liquor. Red meat. Coffee. It started in June (and I believe it's all documented here in this blog) and by August I was vegan. Not just vegan, but my food was approximately 90% raw. My skin glowed. I had boundless energy. The feeling of failure vanished; I'd accomplished my own rescue.

Used to be I could do something for a week and then pretend I'd done it a lifetime. I could eat salads, drink smoothies, supplement. One week? Done. After that? As long as I wanted. Precedents are important to me.

Yet here, now, I cannot even fathom a week. Myopia. It's the bottom of the well in which I'm currently residing. Stress has dumped me here, and people, and conditions. Mortal coil conditions.

Even as I wrote that I knew it was a cop out.

I have dumped me here. Me. Me.

I cannot ask anybody else to throw the proverbial rope down to me, either. I've got to dig fingernails into cold stone grooves and hoist my own self out of this dark. I know can do it. God, I know I can.

This comes off dramatic, I realize that. But it's that critical. You have no idea, not really. I've been trying to tell you for some time ---- it's very important.

The Miracles of Coconut Oil

I have been using Coconut Oil (raw, certified organic) for some time now. I apply it topically and also ingest it. People get scared hearing about me actually eating it; they worry that it's a saturated fat and will somehow adversely affect my cholesterol, weight, heart and general health. The amazing thing is that coconut oil actually helps with all of that.

Topically I am quite liberal with it, applying it all over the body to smooth and heal my skin. (I often supplement my coconut oil with cacao butter which is also very healing -- I must say, I'm a pretty good smelling woman. ;) ) When "on plan" I also ingest approximately 1 - 3 tablespoons a day, usually pouring it into orange juice or incorporating it into a fruit smoothie.

I have extremely sensitive skin. The older I get, for whatever reason, the more intolerant I become to medicines, foods, lotions, perfumes, dyes, detergents. I have a long standing (and usually dormant) rash of indeterminate origin on my left calf which becomes inflamed any time I come into contact with something aggravating to my body, which, in this day and age, is more frequent than I like. Coconut oil is one of the only things that not only soothes this rash but also eliminates it. (Magnesium oil has been utterly essential as well. I will write more about that in the future.)

I'm from Hawaii. I'm also an Irish white girl. Back when I was a kid living on Maui and Oahu, nobody used sunscreen; ah those innocent times when women looked sixty by the age of 35. Anyway, given location and ethnicity, I burned to the point of blistering more times than I care to recall. Nonetheless, I have good skin. In fact I have great skin for my age (certainly according to my doctors), and I have absolutely no doubt that it's because I use products like organic coconut oil. I am not over-stating the effect it's had on my life. It's part of a health and beauty regimen to which I'm diligent, and I think it really shows.

I see other women my age, some a decade or more younger. At times I can't believe how old they look; how dried out; how wrinkled. Not me, though, and I'm being real. There's moisture in my skin and it's smooth. It's healthy.

And it's not just about my skin. Again, coconut oil is good for overall health. For example I also have Hashimoto's thyroiditis which results in hypothyroidism, or a slow/sluggish thyroid. The thyroid, as you may or may not know, regulates metabolism, so when it's sluggish it's a real quality of life issue. Before being diagnosed I was literally bed ridden 80% of the time. I remember my young child drawing a picture for me --- a picture of me --- and in it the bed was actually a part of my body. She couldn't differentiate between the mattress and me --- shocking!

I was fatigued, losing hair, gaining weight (no matter how little I ate or hard I worked out) as well as experiencing a whole host of other symptoms. The coconut oil has helped with all of this. I still take thyroid medication but also supplement with the oil and nascent iodine. The results have been nothing short of miraculous. I no longer take naps. I no longer feel fatigued. I no longer have brittle hair and red, dry skin; I have shed all extra weight and feel healthier at this age than I did twenty years ago. I also feel I look better now than then, hands down.

Many things contribute to my current state, to be sure. I am not claiming to be the picture of health, but I am saying that certain things have helped immensely even when I haven't taken the best care of myself. I am interested in eating for beauty and organic skin care; my library is stocked with books about diet, nutrition and herbs used for beauty and vibrancy. I don't do all that I need to do all the time, but I do enough.

Coconut oil is integral to my approach and I recommend it strongly.

To review the specific product I use, click image:

Also potentially of interest: The Coconut Oil Miracle (Previously published as The Healing Miracle of Coconut Oil)

Intriguing Smoothie Recipe I Must Try

Found this smoothie recipe online and it looks quite good. Lots goes into it, obviously, and perhaps I wouldn't use all ingredients, but man, tons of power nutrients listed here.
I'm going to try it, and am posting it here for my own records.

Start off with half an inch of water and put it into your vitamix.
Add:

1. Spoon of raw and organic honey
2. Spoon of raw/organic coconut oil
3. Pinch of organic sea salt
4. Handful of organic cashews or organic brazil nuts
5. Two squirts of vanilla stevia

Blend on high until silky smooth. Now you have your base!
Now Add:

1. Half a cup of Organic Frozen Berries (or fresh berries like strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, etc.)
2. 1.5 - 2 cups Coconut water or some kind of nut milk (I prefer coconut water, but I do use nut milk sometimes. Such as vanilla almond milk or hemp milk)
3. 2 to 3 (or more :)) big tablespoons of Cacao Powder
4. 1 - 2 teaspoons of Goji Berry Extract powder
5. Handful of Goji Berries
6. 2 to 3 tablespoons of some kind of seeds (I like Chia seeds the best. But you can use flax seeds)
7. 1 - 3 scoops of SunWarrior Protein
8. 1 - 2 tablespoons of tocotrienols
9. 1-2 tablespoons of SunWarrior activated barley (optional)
10. 1 tablespoon of maca extreme (be careful! :))
11. 1 -2 tablespoons of The Sun is Shining (or spirulina)
12. 1 tablespoon of organic peanut butter (optional)

Blend that all up until smooth and enjoy!
You can basically mix and match ANYTHING you want and be okay. The more you put, the thicker the smoothie will be. As you start making more of them and watching what you put everyday, you’ll get a good idea of what works for you. There is so much you can put into smoothies its incredible. Like I said, once you have your base, you can dump stuff in and it’ll still taste good! The ingredients above are just some of the things I put in my smoothies. Some days I put other stuff and substitute. All depends on what you feel like.
The best part is, they taste GREAT and they make you feel GREAT.

Kimmer is just part of the problem

As some of you know, I have a great interest in diet and nutrition. This of course is ironic as, like most of you also know, I struggle mightily with my own weaknesses in this area. I'm not alone in this, however. If anything, I'm in the majority. I'm probably a lot like you.

Many of us are specifically looking for a way out of the endless diet loop; a way to "lose weight fast" and "keep it off". We want to lose thirty pounds in a month in order to fit into a wedding dress. We want that beach body by summer. These rationalizations miss the mark and drive far too many to do truly unhealthy things to themselves.

A few years back I was a "low carber". I ate very few carbohydrates (even the complex kind, which are necessary to good health) as well as no refined sugars. I started the LC program because my brother had been diagnosed with extremely high (read: absurd) cholesterol and "prescribed" a low carb way of life (specifically, Atkins). At the time it seemed ridiculous to me; eating all that meat and fat in order to lower numbers. Still, he did it for years and actually brought his cholesterol down*. He also said he felt good and had more energy.

Since I'm predisposed to the same conditions as Jesse, particularly high blood pressure, I decided to give his seemingly successful Way Of Eating (WOE) a go and joined him in eating that way for nearly a year.

(I am not going to go into an exhausting treatment of the low carb lifestyle. It's a controversial subject and believe me, I've seen (and been a part of) every debate. Suffice it to say I no longer personally eat that way and am exceedingly the happier for it. I find too many low carb programs** to be unhealthy and just plain bad for the body.)

During that year of low carbing I became involved in various online forums. The most popular was Low Carb Friends. I enjoyed the people there, got tips and recipes and even developed a friendship or two. All in, it was a cool community. Which brings me to my point.

If any of you were on the LCF board over the past 1 - 3 years, you may remember hearing a lot about someone named "Kimmer". (Who am I kidding? I'm sure you did.) When I was there, Kimmer (and her followers) were touting a supremely austere permutation of the low carb lifestyle, which really wasn't a permutation at all: it was straight-up starvation wrapped in a low-carb bunless burger. Minus the burger.

Kimmer claimed to have lost 198 pounds in eleven months on her "plan". Eleven months! She was also willing to share all those low carb diet secrets --- for the right price, of course. She created a website to sell those secrets, charging $60 a membership. Low carb devotees flocked. As just an example of Kimmer's plan -- quaintly called Kimkins -- people were actually told to achieve what's called SNATT, which stands for "semi-nauseous all the time". Lovely, right? And if you weren't in the state of SNATT then by God you were doing Kimkins incorrectly.

The "diet" itself called for 300 - 500 calories a day, which, hello, is starvation. Seems anybody who knows even the smallest amount about healthy eating would be able to see that, but no. Kimkins blew up with all kinds of people, especially the pro-ana communities. Within a year's time Kimmer (real name Heidi Diaz) pulled in something like 1.2 million in online sales.

Yes, 1. 2 million.

But then something else happened. People following Kimkins -- the ones who'd bought the memberships and into the program -- began losing things like .... hair. Skin luminoscity. Energy. They were becoming sick. Some would even make inquiries about these symptoms only to be told they were eating too much food.

The kicker? Former "Kimkins" devotees, smelling something foul at last, hired a private investigator to find and follow Heidi Diaz. Know what she looks like?

Wait for it...

This.

Yes, that's right. Not only is Kimmer handing out dangerous and potentially fatal "diet" advice, she is also morbidly obese (weighing in at 300+ pounds) and follows none of that advice herself. Click here for actual video surveillance of Heidi Diaz. It's precious.

It's also enough to sicken me. Don't worry about Kimmer though --- she's being sued and her name is being bandied about on myriad television programs. Any profit she made will no doubt be pissed away (if there is a God) as lawyer bills pour in. It's called karma and it couldn't have happened to a greater gal.

Stories like this make my blood boil. I can't tell you how many supplements I've tried through my life, or WsOE, all in some vain hope to achieve "optimum health". What I didn't know then, however, and which I do know now, is that health is not for sale. Health is also singular to the individual, meaning nobody is ever going to teach you the right way to be healthy (or even thin) except you. What works for you might not work for the next guy because you have unique needs. There's only one you.

And so the answer? Listen to your body.

Yes, it really is as simple as that. Listen to your body as it tells you exactly what you need to know, to do, to eat. This is roughly what intuitive eating is; it involves acknowledging your hunger and then examining it to figure out what your body is truly asking for. For example, maybe your first inclination is to eat ice cream, but the more you examine the inclination or hunger, the more you realize that what you really want is oranges. Or water. Or spinach. Or even, yeah --- ice cream. It's about ultimately eating what the body truly wants; as much as you like without pigging out. Doesn't sound so bad, right?

My point is that you don't need someone else to "teach" you how to listen to your own self. Sure, a lot of us have supremely lost our way, and that's why good and reputable books like If You're Going To Eat At The Refrigerator, Pull Up A Chair (Geneen Roth) help us to listen and re-learn. That's fine. Information never hurt anybody.

But your body will always do the work for you, if you let it. The body always seeks its way back to wellness and balance and will achieve it if you get out of your own way. Don't let scam artists like Heidi Diaz and other so called "experts" make you think you can't do this by yourself. You not only can, you should. You're the only expert that matters.

You're the only one who can heal yourself.

*as far as I know, Jesse now has a modified low-carb WOE and couples it with (what I consider to be) a bananas amount of hardcore exercise. He's certainly trim, but I worry about his health. His cholesterol goes up and down, but it is frequently high.

**not all low carb programs are created alike. One or two actually make sense, such as The Goddess Diet, which I will review in an upcoming post.

Intuit

Let's talk more about this intuitive eating business.

Not now or anything.

I'm far too busy attempting to intuit what to eat.

My mind is shrieking an entire leg of lamb but maybe what it's really saying is: asparagus and air.

Gut Spill

I'll tell you what: on paper, I certainly have all the answers.

See, it's never been about information. It's never been about knowing things and referencing them at will. What it's been about, actually, is implementing that which I already know, and this, my friends, is where I fall short.

So very short.

Why. Why? I ask myself this all the time. Why? I won't bemoan my faults. They are legion and plus most of you know them already. You know how I do so well only to go off the rails on a crazy train. How I consistently fall short. You're probably as frustrated as I am. I'm sorry for that.

My food is dictated by my emotions. If someone hurts me I either starve or I eat. Either way it's a punishment of self; a kind of affirmation of what's been externally laid upon me. It's so much uglier that way, when we do it to ourselves.

Believe me, I know.

I've had a long standing eating disorder. I like to tell people I don't "practice" this eating disorder anymore, mainly because I don't want them to worry. But urges never leave you, not really. I imagine it's the same for an alcoholic or someone who gambles compulsively. Maybe they "practice" restraint, but inwardly they always have that particular Achilles heel. They are always aware of that ever-present skulking shadow of who they could be.

Because they know what they're capable of.

Me too. For real. Me too. I was bulimic for many years. That's hard to say out loud or in print. It's a distasteful condition and I absolutely get that. Mine was different by degree, I suppose: I purged but I did not binge. It was all about austerity. About a kind of punishment, I think. And a kind of control.

I constructed a "box" filled with things I allowed myself to eat --- healthy things, good things, unrealistic things. The only problem was that the box got smaller and smaller, ceaselessly. Soon it was a dot and not a box. Soon no food actually lived within that box, only woe, only judgment. I could eat nothing. Everything I did put into my mouth was a transgression; something I felt deeply. Painfully.

Until I got rid of it.

I'm smart, I'll tell you that right now. I know a lot of you think I'm vain but in actuality I'm not. In fact I'm egregiously demure in a lot of ways, as well as unsure to a fault. However, I know I'm smart. What I'm saying is: I know how to eat. I have all the books. I've done all the research. It's not rocket science, people.

Believe it or not I'm actually passionate (and well educated) about good nutrition. It's just that this information never seems to extend to me. Just other people. I feed them, I make sure they're well. But me?

Starve, bitch.

Pay, bitch.

Why. Why. Why? Don't make me go to my father. Honestly, just don't. I don't want to. God that's dark. It's hard to even sit with, here in this room.

Don't make me go to my mother either, or the hell she went through, the price she paid for simply being alive. Or the evil she did and never acknowledged.

Don't let me go to my brother, please, because to me he is a Man Among Men. The prototype. Don't make me go to him though, to the loneliness, to all that we shared and witnessed together; two children huddled together in the dark. Don't let me go to the abandonment when he left me. Don't make me feel that.

That's why. It's why. Why! I have been to countless therapists. I've ripped open my person; I've spilled out these things to them, each one. Yet none of them have helped. I've charmed the lot of them; I've been such a good girl on that couch. Because I am a good girl, see? I am a good person. I am someone who wants to be the best for all the best reasons.

Still, I'm woefully incapable. They never saw it. They bought into the intellect. They bought into the smile. They thought it meant wellness. They thought it meant I was well!

But I've never been well.

Oh I'm sorry, folks. This will probably be down come morning, because it's all too raw and too disclosing to share. But it's also the damned truth. I like telling the truth, even when it pains me. I figure somebody out there will read it and they'll relate on some level. Maybe we'll commiserate. Maybe that's why I'm here. I wish I knew.

Ok, perhaps in actuality I have no answers, only more questions. I only know that I want to be what I believe I can be. She's such a grand person, this woman I see in my mind. I want to be just like her.

Is there some kind of way?

Keeping Track

Yesterday, hummus with cucumber and tomato on whole grain flat bread crackers. Twice. Coffee. Some water.

Today, hummus with cucumber and tomato, spinach salad with chicken, bleu cheese, oil & vinegar dressing, one glass of wine.

Vitamins both days (Reliv) with coconut oil.

...Just marking my progress, ya'alls.

Og say food good