Health: It's So Important

I did better today.

One coffee, one coke, one glass of wine, a large bowl of soup. Some water.

I hate to admit that the above constitutes "better", but it does.

At present my constitution is weak. I keep hurting myself, trying to become stronger. As if the universe doth conspire. Yet it doesn't. It's honestly just me. What I've done to myself.

Granted, I went through all that medical drama. It's not insignificant. Laying inert for so long, a body can forget its better days. But I've wanted those better days, and badly. Not the perfect form --- no. Just health. Wellness.

Last summer I was doing a lot of spiritual work. The more work I did, the more refined my diet became. Not in a dysfunctional way. In a ... spiritual way.

I began to become intolerant of wine. Hard liquor. Red meat. Coffee. It started in June (and I believe it's all documented here in this blog) and by August I was vegan. Not just vegan, but my food was approximately 90% raw. My skin glowed. I had boundless energy. The feeling of failure vanished; I'd accomplished my own rescue.

Used to be I could do something for a week and then pretend I'd done it a lifetime. I could eat salads, drink smoothies, supplement. One week? Done. After that? As long as I wanted. Precedents are important to me.

Yet here, now, I cannot even fathom a week. Myopia. It's the bottom of the well in which I'm currently residing. Stress has dumped me here, and people, and conditions. Mortal coil conditions.

Even as I wrote that I knew it was a cop out.

I have dumped me here. Me. Me.

I cannot ask anybody else to throw the proverbial rope down to me, either. I've got to dig fingernails into cold stone grooves and hoist my own self out of this dark. I know can do it. God, I know I can.

This comes off dramatic, I realize that. But it's that critical. You have no idea, not really. I've been trying to tell you for some time ---- it's very important.