Be Enough

Today someone jokingly said something to me and it hurt me. Actually it hurt me pretty deeply.

I know he didn't mean it to hurt me and in fact probably wasn't thinking about me at all as he said it, but it stung nonetheless. When he said what he did I was struck with the idea that I will never be good enough for anybody, not even myself. It wasn't his ultimate message but it's what I heard. Because the problem is mine. Sure, maybe he was a little insensitive but the fact is that I am constantly in a position to receive those messages because part of me believes those messages to be true.

My logical mind assures me the messages are complete rubbish but the heart seems to absorb them nonetheless. And it's the heart that has the greatest ability to hurt us.

We're all wounded in one way or another. We carry our crosses. We all get hurt, too, and lots of times it's by people who don't mean us any harm but who nonetheless hit us where it injures the most. Who knows what it is for you? I only know what it is for me.

It's in these times that I am struck by how much work I still have to do. The enormity of what lies ahead immobilizes me. I can manage the micro only; the macro is too much to take on at once. I'm also aware of how alone I am on this journey --- which is as it should be --- but it's a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes I wish others would understand more or even help me carry it, but it's not their duty to do so. It is not their work. I get that.

And so I get hurt, I might even trip up for awhile, but then I keep going. Because I'm the only me that I've got.

And it's got to be enough.